Refusing the Social Masks

Approximate Read Time: 5 Min

Being authentic to who I am, is also very lonely at times. Refusing to wear the social masks, makes others very uncomfortable, and goes against the goals that they have in their life at times for themselves, and the things that they do not want to acknowledge in themselves.

I have been attending a weekly singing and meditation event for several months at a religious facility. I was seeking the energetic connection that comes from group meditation. Maybe this is something that you have experienced yourself in religious institutions or even felt the collective energy at times at a concert.

I did find it there. I truly enjoyed the music and singing.

I have been going through one of the darkest and hardest times in my life, once again.

I also found more judgment there than any religious institution I've ever gone to, and I have gone to many in my lifetime. I have been in positions of leadership and I have just remained part of the congregation.

I went down the path of ministry at 20 years old, almost becoming a Christian pastor. I turned away from Christianity and God completely for many years when I saw the hypocrisy behind the outward appearance of the facilities.

I've been taught this lesson over and over in life, people fail, but God does not.

This took me a very long time to truly understand.

I don't believe in wearing social masks anymore. I don't dress like the people at the religious facility, and I do not look like them.

I look like I look for myself, and what makes me feel good about myself.

I can make assumptions, based on the knowledge I have of their belief system, and how they choose to appear in society, and I am pretty sure that I would be correct, but I will keep that judgment to myself.

Additionally, I attended weekly meditation sessions, so that I would be allowed to attend a secondary, weekly night of group singing and meditation.

I've been spiritual my whole life. Pastors, Ministers, Chaplains, and Spiritual Gurus have been some of my best friends in life, and I have immensely enjoyed the discussions about life and religious beliefs with them.

It is not about being perfect. We are all beautifully flawed human beings.

I'm at a place in life where I've done my own personal spiritual journey, and I know what I believe, and it was something I wanted to be able to discuss and verbalize with others. I am not dogmatic in my beliefs, as I find so many others are. I love to discuss life and philosophy with those that are not dogmatic in their beliefs as well.

I wanted to discuss the topic, “What is God?”

After making several attempts with people of leadership at the religious facility, I found them to be very dogmatic in their beliefs, and they were unwilling and or unable to actually have the discussion with me at all.

When new people would come to the facility, they would gravitate towards me. I looked more like they looked and I acted more like they acted than the people at the religious facility that we were at. They were drawn to me, and I was desperately in need of socialization with people in general.

The first day I went there, I started speaking with one of their regular attendees, and the person warned me how judgmental the people there are. Ironically, the person who warned me ended up judging me as well.

I honestly wish that I had listened to that advice. At one of the hardest times in my life, I did not need to be rejected once again, this time by a religious community that is supposed to be there to help others in need.

I had recently begun a project in my life to make a positive difference in the world, and change for humanity. I shared this with people at the religious facility, not only out of excitement for my newfound journey, but also for transparency.

I was incredibly excited, and scared as well of course, because this does open me up for extreme judgment. I was prepared for this when I went online. Most of us have experienced the cowardice of those who run their mouth, and hide behind their online profiles. They come from places of judgement and pain and lack of self-reflection.

I was not prepared for the judgment I would receive at this religious institution.

The person who warned me was correct. I saw the looks, I felt the energetic judgments. This part is pretty common in life in general, and I am used to mentally dealing with this aspect of refusing to conform and being my authentic self.

What I was not prepared for, was the very direct approach of the owner of the facility.

One evening, I was approached by the owner of the facility, asked if we could speak in private, and then very directly, I was asked to stop speaking to the new attendees. I expressed to her that I did not feel a connection with the people at the facility, in a way that I connected with the new people.

Since this is a private property, and I can be asked not to attend, I did what she asked. I put my head down, and kept my mouth shut. I stopped having conversations with pretty much anyone there.

Seeking and needing the energetic connection that I was there for, I continued to attend for at least another month, but my life got more complicated and harder, and I realized that I was being asked not to be myself, not share my light with others, and this is not something I am willing do any longer, for anyone.

“With great power comes great responsibility.” Many leaders have spoken this sentiment, and I thought heavily about the situation that I was in.

After much contemplation, I realized that I am disgusted by how I was treated, when I was in the greatest need of my life, and literally a physical representation of everything in the community that religious facilities are supposed to be providing; Spiritual and Worship Sanctuary, Community and Social Connection to combat isolation, Refuge and Crisis Support for vulnerable individuals, Charitable and Humanitarian Services, Counseling and emotional care, among so many other things.

I am an abused woman, facing extreme hardships and loss on multiple levels, as well as major life transitions.

I was quite literally being asked to put on the social mask that they wanted portrayed at their religious facility, in order to attend the facility, hiding the truth of who I am. I was being cut off from the community because I did not align with their goals.

It took me many years to find love for myself. I quite literally lived in hell for many years in my own head, and I had to admit that I hated myself before I could find self-love.

At this point in my life, I find that I love myself very deeply. This is why my self-care is my top priority, and this is what allows me to truly love humanity, even with all their flaws, just like the beautifully flawed me.

I am true to who I am, and I will not let anyone make me feel bad for who I have become, the strength that I have found, and my refusal to put on the social mask that I see so many others wear on a daily basis.

I thought long and hard before writing this, and what I was going to do with it. I don't want to use my platform to condemn, I have found my internal power and I understand the responsibility that comes with that, therefore, I will keep this generic as to the location and the facility, but I refuse to be silenced to make anyone else feel comfortable.

Where in your life are you being asked to wear a mask, and what would happen if you finally took it off?